Hey, everyone! I am excited to be sharing with you a guest post from my friend, Logan on the Power of Being Single. She has some really amazing insight that I really wanted to share with you all today. Keep reading below to check out her post!
We’ve all been there. Some of us are still there. Some of us never left.
We all dread it. But why? What is so bad about being single? “Being alone.” A lot of people say that. But just because we’re single doesn’t mean we’re alone. Friends and family members didn’t all suddenly abandon us.
The real reason everyone hates being single so much is because society makes us think it’s wrong. We all grew up hearing stories and fairytales where the princess always ends up with the guy in the end- that’s the only way she’s truly happy. Even the television shows we watched were all about people coupling up.
When we say we’re spending a night in, alone, our friends automatically assume it’s because we’re single and sad. They’re going out with their boyfriends or girlfriends, and we’re not going out, so the problem must be in our singleness.
Um, no. Absolutely not. Personally, I love spending the night in. Mostly because I am basically a grandma who doesn’t want to leave the house, but still!
What we need to do is get over the narrative of how terrible it is to be single, and how we need to always focus our energy on finding a mate. Don’t focus your energy there. Focus your energy on finding your calling, on doing something important with your life. Because if you’re focused on that, the right man or woman will cross your path, simply because you are walking with those similar to you.
But, how do we do this? How do we find empowerment in being single?
Enjoy the Independence
Yes, I know you’re still an independent person when you’re in a relationship. I don’t mean independence as in “you have free will.” I mean that you should enjoy not having to factor someone else into your life decisions.
Sure, you have family that you consider when deciding whether or not to move, and when making big life decisions. But, you don’t answer to any of them. In the end, if you decide to move, that’s your choice.
But, when you’re in a relationship, suddenly it becomes “our choice.” You have someone else to consider. Even the little things make you take your partner into consideration. That new job may mean you work ten more hours per week. When you’re single, that’s totally fine. But when that’s ten less hours spent with your significant other, the game changes.
So take this time as a completely untethered individual. Take that job, make that move, or enjoy your friends. Or all of it. Find the power in your independence.
Learning About Yourself
Seriously. Being single teaches you a lot about who you are as a person. When you are part of a couple, that becomes defining. You are “the girlfriend,” or you have “a boyfriend.” It’s almost like something people think of when they think of you.
But right now, those phrases don’t apply to you. So take this time apart from these phrases to find out what does apply to you. Explore the world. Explore your mind and your sense of self.
Being single is a great way to discover who you are. Maybe you’re extremely resourceful, and you didn’t know that until you had no one to rely on but yourself. You have the chance to learn who you are alone, as an individual entity.
I believe that we can’t fully allow another to share our life until we know what our life is about. Take this time to figure out yourself and what your life is about. Share your life with yourself before you share it with someone else.
Taking Care of You
A lot of the time, once we couple, we take comfort in the fact that there is someone else to catch us when we fall. That supportiveness is what’s great about relationships.
But what’s even greater is knowing that if you fall, you can catch yourself. When you’re single, you have to catch yourself. You have to learn how to be comfortable taking care of you, and taking care of your successes and your failures. But the great thing about that is knowing that you are capable of being there for your own self.
We get too wrapped up in the idea of relationships and co-dependence. We somehow think that without co-dependency, there is no taking care of anything. But that’s not true. The very fact that you can’t be co-dependent forces you to rely on yourself. And taking care of yourself, by yourself, builds incredible character.
Developing Outside Relationships
The truth is that, oftentimes, relationships take away from our time with others. That’s not necessarily a bad thing (as long as it’s your decision) but the single life allows us to focus outward so much more.
Sometimes, we meet people and click. We can develop amazing relationships with them. But, when we are in a relationship, the time to develop secondary relationships isn’t always there. And that’s ok.
But being single will allow us to focus more on those friends and networking relationships. We can find the people we jive with, and develop ties that may not have been developed otherwise. The single life opens us up to new experiences that may have been dropped aside. If you had a serious partner, you’re not always going to take steps out of your comfort to meet new people, because your people are there already.
Is it hard? Yes! But developing new relationships empowers your singlehood.
It’s totally true. Being single may suck sometimes, but it can also be really exciting. You have all these new people to meet, who will help you experience exciting things. If you’re in a relationship, you’re not going to pursue that cute guy at the coffee shop looking at pictures of gorgeous caverns. But if you’re single, you have the opportunity to form a connection with him, and experience those caverns too!
You never know what’s around the corner. You could meet an amazing person, or have a new, crazy experience. Put yourself out there! The excitement is just beginning.
You Learn to Love Yourself
It’s true. I don’t mean you need to love yourself before you can be happy. I mean that when you are left with only yourself, you begin to see the qualities that are so great. Sure, sometimes it comes across like “why won’t anyone date me, I’m freaking awesome!” But every time you think that, you prove to yourself why you’re awesome. You learn to love yourself when yourself is all you have.
Being single can be hard. It can be trying. Sometimes you just want someone to hold. But there is so much more to life, so many different places and people and experiences, that we can’t tell ourselves we’re lonely. Instead, empower yourself. Know that being single can open you up to a wealth of knowledge you never look for in a relationship. And, most importantly, love yourself always.
Thank you so much for your empowering words, Logan! I don’t know about you, but I absolutely LOVED everything she had to say. In my experiences, I have never been single for longer than a few months at a time. My relationships were all 1 year, 5 years, and now going on 4.5 years so I never “dated” or had any time to explore singlehood.
But I think a lot of these thoughts definitely still apply to us women in relationships! A post about empowering women in relationships will be written by yours truly will be coming soon! In the meantime, check out My Own Love Story
P.S. If you love her writing, check out her blog at scriptscoffeeandpositivity.com